Experiential Learning [2 BBY]

[Silus Xilarian]

As they left the hangar, Bette seemed like she was still out in in the black and her body was just going through the motions without her. He reached over and nudged her on the arm, giving her a slight start.

"I'm gonna grab a shower but I want to go over some stuff. Twenty minutes enough time for you to do what you need to do?"

He almost thought she didn't hear him until she spoke, still looking away.

"Yeah.." She seemed to somewhat snap out of her haze for just a moment "...Yes, that should be fine.”

He nodded and gave her a pat on the shoulder. "Alright then."

He went back to his quarters and threw his gear over into a chair he had sitting in the corner. He left a line of dirty laundry all the way to his shower that he would pick up when he got back. Twenty minutes later he was out of the shower, dressed and heading back down the hall to Bette's quarters. He went to knock but found the door was still open. He took a quick peek inside and saw Bette sitting at her dining table, still dressed in her flight suit. As he was about to go in, he heard something in the hallway and glanced outside to see a dark gray protocol droid approaching.

The droid stopped and stood at attention. Silus narrowed his eyes at it.

"What are you sellin..."

The droid seemed almost struck by the gruff comment. "Sir, Admiral Garrett has requested a meeting with you in his office."

Silus waved a dismissive hand toward it. "Yeah, sure. I'll be there in a bit. I have to take care of something..."

The droid seemed genuinely confused for a moment then protested. "He won't like to be kept waiti..."

Silus snapped at him, "Well I don't like being rushed so I guess we'll all be fucking miserable. Go tell him I'll be there in a few minutes!"

The droid squeaked out a "Yes sir!" and turned so quickly it nearly fell. Silus shook his head and went back inside, shutting the door behind him. Bette was watching him now, having been drug back to reality by the argument outside. Silus cocked his head to the side a bit.

"Mind if I join you?" Bette gave a weak nod "Sure..."

Silus walked over and set across from her at the table. He pulled a flask of whisky from his pocket, took a small swig and set it down in front of her. The expression on his face had softened and carried a slight hint of concern.

"I wanted to tell you that you did a good job today, better than I've seen from you in any sim. I have a meeting with Garrett here once I leave, so you won't need to worry about a preliminary report, just do your full report when you're ready. I'll cover if you need some extra time."

[Bette Davis]

Bette looked up at Xilarian, a little surprised to find him there. She’d been about to take a shower when she’d sat down just for a moment...

She reached across the table and took the flask, helping herself to a sip. Bette didn’t relinquish it, holding it in her hands while he spoke.

”I’ve just never...” Bette shook her head, trying to clear it. “It’s so much like the sim, and yet nothing like it at all.”

[Silus Xilarian]

"It's rough at first, and it's something you'll have to square with."

Silus' instincts were to tell her that everything's fine, but he knew this was something that had to be taken seriously, and that meant facing a hard truth.

"A lot of the people that we cross off, they deserve every laser we put in 'em. Others probably aren't so bad, just ended up on the other side. The fact of it is, it's war. It's never going to be easy. So people get numb to it, some get bloodthirsty. You won't be either of those. That's part of the reason you're on this ship right now."

[Bette Davis]

Bette took another long sip from the flask and set it down, running a hand through her short hair.

”Right.” She scrubbed her hand over her face and sighed, leaning on her elbows. “I know all that.”

Bette looked up, meeting his eyes for a long moment before looking away. “I keep imagining their families getting the news. Like if my father got the visit, the news that I’d been killed in action.”

She bit her lip, staring hard at the table. “But it’s war. They’re the Rebels.” Bette paused, and added softly, “We’ve all made our choices.”

[Silus Xilarian]

"Knowing it and making peace with it are two different things."

Bette looked as if she were about to protest and Silus put a hand up to stop her.

"You aren't on trial here. I just want you to see the entire picture. If this is what you want, you're here. I've seen everything I need to see. If you decide this isn't for you, I'll do everything in my power to get you where you want to be. No hard feelings, no judgement. I just want you to be sure. Understand?"

[Bette Davis]

She met his eyes again, and didn’t look as haunted as she had before.

“I understand. This is where I want to be.”

Bette half-smiled. “I’m good at this. While we were in it ...it was just me and the ship and a bunch of targets.” She formed her hand into a fingergun and mimed shooting.

”Dad talked about this part of it,” she said quietly. “I didn’t really understand it until now.”

[Silus Xilarian]

Silus smiled warmly. "I'm glad to hear that. And just remember, if you ever need someone to bounce thoughts off of my door's always open."

He got up and stretched a little, working some stiffness out of his legs. He put his hand on her shoulder and gave it a light squeeze. With his other hand it picked up his flask.

"Alright, I'm gonna need this now. I have an ass chewing to attend." He started to walk off, and stopped himself. "There's one more thing I want you to consider. The whole good guys / bad guys thing gets pretty murky sometimes. If something we're doing is bothering you, you can always tell me. As long as I'm your commander you won't be punished for sticking up for what you think is right. Copy?"

Bette nodded.

"Good. Get a shower and get some sleep. We'll be grounded for a bit, but we're still going to be training."

[Bette Davis]

She nodded again, getting up and following him to the door to close it behind him. As he stepped out she put out a hand to stop him.

”I just want to say thank you. Sir.”

Silus nodded, and she withdrew her hand, closing her door as he headed away down the passage. For a moment she stood there, staring at the door, then she turned crisply and walked to her private refresher.

Bette methodically stripped off her clothes with as much care as a priestess preparing for sacred rites. The boots were set carefully outside the refresher, flightsuit and underthings were folded and placed in the receptacle for cleaning. She examined her face in the mirror before stepping into the sonic shower.

She didn’t look like anything had changed. But while the shower cleansed and purified her skin she knew that part of her, deep inside, was different. Almost like a sore muscle that would repair itself and become stronger. Harder.

Bette scrubbed a loofah over her skin, loosening dead cells to be whisked away by the sonic shower. The lesson she’d learned today would serve her for the rest of her career. She squared her shoulders, standing taller.

She was going to have a long​ career.